


the harder the rain (honey, the sweeter the sun)

by goldengrahams



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (Based off Fibro bc that's what I got babey), Canon Divergence from Ep 97, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Essek Thelyss Has Chronic Pain, Essek needs to take a fucking break, Frumpkin knows all, M/M, Massage, Morning Cuddles, Non-sexual massage, kitty cuddles, tagged T for mentions of sex but there is no actual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23340532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldengrahams/pseuds/goldengrahams
Summary: Essek wakes, as he does on some deeply unfortunate occasions, to an awful pain that pricks the back of his neck and runs from the joint of his hips down to his toes. His entire body feels stiff and the exhaustion weighing him down makes it seem as though he may as well not have tranced at all.Essek has chronic pain and Caleb helps him handle it.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Frumpkin & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 26
Kudos: 225





	the harder the rain (honey, the sweeter the sun)

**Author's Note:**

> I have fibromyalgia and this is based off my personal experiences with it, it is in no way reflective of everyone's experiences with chronic pain!
> 
> Title from "No Plan" by Hozier

Essek wakes, as he does on some deeply unfortunate occasions, to an awful pain that pricks the back of his neck and runs from the joint of his hips down to his toes. His entire body feels stiff and the exhaustion weighing him down makes it seem as though he may as well not have tranced at all. 

The one good thing-- or well, two good things, he corrects as a bright-eyed fey cat bumps against his cheek-- about this morning is the warm and exceedingly handsome human still asleep next to him, only discernible by a tangle of red hair poking out of the blankets. Not wanting to wake Caleb, Essek turns his attention to his cat.

“Hello Frumpkin,” he murmurs softly as the cat blinks at him. Frumpkin moves to step onto his chest near his clavicle and he instantly tenses, knowing the flash of pain that will come if Frumpkin steps there. Luckily the cat is perceptive and elects instead to lay a little further down his abdomen in the dip of his stomach, chirping quietly. Essek laughs softly and reaches his hand up to scratch behind Frumpkin’s ears, glad the stiffness doesn’t extend to his arms this time. The weight and the soft rumble of Frumpkin’s purrs is surprisingly helpful, certainly not enough to reduce his pain to a normal level, but enough that it's noticeable. “Hmm,” he muses, tickling under Frumpkin’s chin, “maybe you should be the healer of the Mighty Nein.”

“I’ve been saying that for years,” comes a sleepy voice from beside him. There’s a small snap, and the candles in the bedroom light, casting a soft orange glow over the room that ebbs and flows. He feels warmth pressing against his side and the bristle of stubble as Caleb shifts, and an arm drapes over his torso. “ _Guten morgen, lieblinge_ ,” Caleb kisses his temple and then tucks his head into the crook of his neck, making little noises at Frumpkin. Frumpkin’s head perks up in interest and he paws at his owner’s arm. “ _Herr Kater_ , are you a good healer?” Caleb asks, poking gently at Frumpkin’s toes until he flexes his claws out. “I bet you would make an excellent cleric.” Essek smiles at the mental image that prompts and gently pets Frumpkin a little more, rubbing the sides of his face with his knuckles. Frumpkin purrs loudly, occasionally licking at Essek’s hand before relenting to his pampering.

“I concur,” he says, tapping the cat’s nose, “a better one than Jester, so far as I hear.” Caleb gives a huff that sounds suspiciously like a laugh beside him.

“Jester isn’t a bad cleric,” he responds, “she’d just rather not heal us if she doesn’t have to.” Essek chuckles, and there’s a moment of silence before Caleb speaks again. “What prompted that comment about Frumpkin, by the way?”

“Oh, uh.” Essek fumbles a little. Caleb knows of his pain, of course, and knows that there are bad days and worse days, but he has also never been privy to admitting his own weakness, even to those he trusts. “Nothing really. Just that Frumpkin was helping with my morning aches.” Caleb makes a noise of consideration.

“Mmm. Your pain is worse than usual today, then?”

“Sometimes I envy your perceptiveness.”

“Not necessarily perceptive, I just know you well. It has nothing to do with-- ah-- last night, I hope?” Caleb’s face has taken on a lovely pink shade and Essek laughs lightly.

“No, I would probably enjoy it more if it was because of that. You know sometimes my body just gets like this. There’s not much I can do anyway, I still have a meeting as well as other work today and I cannot avoid my duties simply because I am in pain.”

“You should.” Essek shakes his head.

“Unfortunate as it may be, if I were to withdraw from my work each time I was in pain, I would never be there.”

“I understand,” Caleb says calmly, “but being in a lot of pain once in a while is different than day-to-day pain.”

“I know,” Essek says, idly scritching the soft patch of fur under Frumpkin’s chin again, “but still. My job is important and I have never let this get in the way before.”

“Correct me if I am wrong or misstepping in any way, but you did tell me once that these pain flares tend to come on the heels of high stress.”

“I know,” Essek snaps. Then, more softly: “I know. I’m sorry, I know you are just worrying but I can handle myself.”

“I know that you can,” Caleb insists. “It isn’t about that. All I am saying is that if you continue to push yourself and never take a break, you are going to keep having pain like this instead of the manageable pain.” Essek frowns; he knows Caleb is right but he hates hearing it all the same. 

“You are… once again correct. However, it is mostly my legs today. I should be fine with my levitation spell.” Caleb gives him a reproachful look, but eventually nods. As he turns away, Essek catches his look of concern and disappointment and feels a sigh come from deep within him. “Fine,” he says, “You make a good point, and I can hardly remember the last time I asked for a day off. I will contact the Bright Queen and let her know it is one of those days.”

“As long as you are doing it for you.” Caleb says, a small line forming between his eyebrows. “I apologize, I was not trying to force you to do anything you did not want to do, it is not my decision to make. I only want to ensure that you are not pushing yourself to your limits.” 

“No, no, I know, and you were right. Sometimes I try so hard to prove that nothing holds me back, but I do it at the expense of my health and sanity. It would do me well to occasionally let that go.” Caleb nods and kisses his cheek, rolling over to get out of bed. Essek catches his arm and pulls him back for a minute. He moves as much as his position will allow and kisses Caleb slow and soft for a minute. The human makes a surprised noise against his mouth and then melts into it. Essek pulls away, looking into Caleb’s eyes for a moment. Caleb allows a small smile to curl across his face before he moves again, stepping lightly off the bed.

“Contact the Bright Queen then, and I will make some tea for both of us. I imagine there will still be duties you cannot simply ignore, but at least she can let you know what your-- ah-- options are.” Essek nods, scratching behind Frumpkin’s ears as Caleb leaves the room. He watches him leave with endearment, and a pang of envy for his easy gait. He has to remind himself sometimes that Caleb is one of the least coordinated members of the Mighty Nein. He allows himself another long,deep sigh before he prepares a sending spell, cupping the small piece of wire against his mouth.

“My Queen. I ended my trance today unable to move from pain. How would you suggest I complete my duties until I am well again?” There is a moment’s pause, and then the Bright Queen’s smooth voice breaches his mental barriers.

“Your attendance is required for the meeting, but you may do your paperwork from home,” another pause and he thinks the message is finished for a moment until, “I am pleased that you are taking care of yourself.” He gives a half-sigh, half-laugh as Caleb enters the room, carrying two steaming cups of tea. Essek notes that he tied his hair up while he was making the tea, into a half-bun at the nape of his neck. It’s quite handsome. 

“Everything alright?” He asks, setting both cups on Essek’s dresser. Essek nods, motioning for Caleb to help him sit up and giving Frumpkin one last pet before gently banishing him from his lap. Caleb approaches, offering his hands to be maneuvered freely. Essek directs them as needed and sits up with his assistance, taking the cup of tea and taking a long sip to cover his wince before elaborating.

“The tea is excellent, thank you. The Bright Queen said I will need to be in attendance for the meeting this afternoon, but my other duties can be completed from home.” Caleb’s eyes brighten as he sips his own tea.

“That is _wunderbar_. Why did you laugh, though?”

“Ah-- she said she was glad I was taking care of myself. There was an unspoken ‘for once’ and it was simply… humorous.”

“ _Ja_ , you said you don’t take days off very often but is it truly that ridiculous?”

“Caleb, I haven’t taken a day off in nearly a decade,” Essek deadpans, sipping his tea. “Against my better judgement, of course, but when you are in a high-profile job that you feel you are not qualified for, you can often convince yourself you will be worse off for resting.” Caleb opens his mouth to speak and then seems to think better of it.

“I have exhausted my complaints for the morning, and I know much less than you about your own body, so I will leave those decisions to you,” Caleb says finally. “When is the meeting?”

“In two hours. Have you much to do today?”

“I should check in with the Mighty Nein. So far as I know we have no assignments right now, and unless Jester decides to contact me with something dire, I should be fine to check in during your meeting.”

“Then it seems we have the morning to ourselves,” Essek says, allowing a smile to curl over his face, opening his arms. Caleb settles onto the bed, crawling carefully over his legs to curl up against Essek’s side. Essek kisses the top of his head. Frumpkin gives a plaintive meow and comes to join them, settling somewhat precariously onto Caleb’s hip before crawling over him to get access to Essek’s stomach again. 

“Frumpkin, you may not want to settle yourself in too well,” Caleb murmurs, tapping the fey cat on the nose. Frumpkin gently nips at it. Caleb turns to Essek. “ _Schatz_ , do you want me to massage your legs?”

“I suppose I cannot decline such a lovely offer,” he says with a small smile. “Come here, first.” Caleb obliges, leaning up on his elbows to hover over Essek. He kisses him languidly, tasting the herbal undercurrent of tea on his lips. Caleb reaches a hand up and gently rubs the underside of his jaw, setting Essek to a soft purr of pleasure that pushes his ears back before he pulls away, leaving Essek blissful and relaxed. 

Caleb sits up on his knees, moving to the end of the bed and pulling Essek’s left leg into his lap. 

“Tell me where it hurts most,” Caleb says. He sounds like a cleric. Essek laughs, a little more bitterly than he means to.

“It hurts everywhere, _ta’ecelle_. You can start with the hip though.” Caleb nods. He fits one hand under Essek’s thigh and places the other against the seam of his hip before gently digging in. Essek immediately hisses in pain. He expects Caleb to panic and lessen the pressure but he doesn’t and Essek is glad for it. This continues for a while as Caleb moves down his leg, firm and diligent. He asks, on occasion, which spots to devote attention to and squeezes those particularly hard, drawing hisses of pained pleasure from Essek. It doesn’t take him a particularly long time to move all the way down his left leg and he immediately repostions himself to give the same treatment to Essek’s right leg. By the time he’s done, Essek is thoroughly relaxed-- the pain certainly isn’t gone but it’s lessened by the looseness of his joints and muscles.

“Did that help?” Caleb asks, almost shy. As if he doesn’t know that he just rendered Essek completely blissful and boneless.

“So much,” Essek nearly slurs. Is he drooling? He might be, he’s not sure. “How did you get so good at that?”

“Beauregard gets muscle cramps from training sometimes and we cycle through helping her with the spots she cannot reach properly.”

“Ah,” Essek says. “Makes sense.” Caleb gets off the bed.

“I’m going to go start running a bath. Do you still have some of those salts from the apothecary?” Essek nods, but his face pinches.

“You do not have to do that, Caleb.” Caleb smiles.

“I know. I am going to anyway.” Essek groans quietly, petting Frumpkin.

“You are too good to me,” he says.

“Only as good as you deserve, _Mondlicht_.” Caleb leans down to kiss Essek on the forehead before leaving the room.

“He’s too good to me,” Essek tells Frumpkin, stroking the cat’s chin. Frumpkin nips at his hand as if to tell him off and he laughs softly. “Alright,” he concedes. “As good as I deserve, then.” Frumpkin purrs and butts his palm in contentment and he decides that’s enough answer on its own.

**Author's Note:**

> Undercommon and Zemnian Translations:  
> Zemnian:  
> Guten morgen, lieblinge - Good morning, darlings  
> Herr Katze - Mr. Cat  
> wunderbar - wonderful  
> Mondlicht - moonlight
> 
> Undercommon:  
> ta’ecelle - sunlight


End file.
